When I updated ya’ll last I had grand ideas of writing a new post every week. To say I fell short of this goal is an understatement, the picture above is a picture from a year ago and below is a picture of a week ago. I began the year with a "trip" (aka deployment) to Iraq. While I was deployed, Kristie was home by herself for over four months with four children and somehow (I don’t know how she did it!) managed to fix up our house in Las Vegas, list it and sell it! When I returned in June, the house was sold, the movers were scheduled, and we were off to Alabama! During the move we thought it would be a good idea to pack up the kids up, aging from 18 months to 5 years old at this time, and take a two-week road trip across the country. Which included a stop a Mount Rushmore, visiting family and friends, and an extended stay at Grandma and Papa’s . Finally, we arrived in Bama and that's when time really started to move quickly and I can’t tell you where the last four months have gone. Unpacking the house, settling into the new squadron, and getting the kids enrolled in school were some of the highlights. The most impactful heartwarming part of the last four months is Gabe’s wonderful new school. The entire school - his teachers (who we love!), the principal, the front office and everyone in between has been so supportive and encouraging for Gabe to be included. Gabe is in an inclusive classroom and he has grown so much in the last four months!
Gabe enjoys going to school, his unprompted speech has exploded, with expressions like, “I know, right!” It has been a busy year for all of us with great experiences and I leave you with something one of his teachers said to the effect of “I realize he has more for me than I have for him, and he will teach them (classmates) more about compassion than I ever could.”
Tip 1: Provide a choice (this technique was also mentioned by one of our followers a while back). An example of implementation is the daily choice Kristie and I provide Gabe for selecting his nightly pajamas. For a short time in the past, bedtime and putting pajamas on Gabe was no easy feat, but once Kristie and I consistently provided Gabe with a choice between two sets of pajamas. Gabe began accepting his pajamas and eventually bedtime significantly easier with him. While this is clearly one quick example of the implementation of this technique the applications are endless. When you provide your children the opportunity to feel in control, they respond better to the situation at hand. This technique is also extremely helpful in a wide variety of applications and Kristie is the master of adapting this methodology to fit any situation. It all starts with clearly providing choices for your children to understand and holding them accountable for the decisions they make. Kristie kindly reminds them to “Make the right choice” or “Make the correct choice” or some other combination of words that remind our loving children even in the loudest shouts of a temper tantrum they still have a choice. While, yes I admit that this clearly seems obvious. Just like “Remain Calm” in the presence of danger is clearly obvious, the execution and continual application is more difficult than it seems. Providing clearly defined choices (which your child can understand) and creating the opportunity for your child to carry out these decisions is tricky and yet so simple in assisting in the transition from a meltdown to a causal conversation.
Tip 2: The mantra “first this then that” learn it and live by it. You may not initially see the power in this tip, but with some practice and perfect execution it will pay dividends. Kristie and I are constantly working and enforcing “first this than that.” An example would be, “first three bites of broccoli then lemonade,” (watered down of course).
This is one of hundreds of examples, but it is the template and execution of this technique that is the most important. First, understand clearly what motives your child. Second, clearly define what you want them to do/accomplish and then continuously work that technique. While, yes, I do understand that children can seemingly be unreasonable at times, I don’t believe this to be entirely true. Children clearly have a thought process for accomplishing tasks, it is our understanding of what they are feeling complicates things. Yes, I understand Kristie and I are not physiologists and we do not have any medical degrees and the long term sides effects of these two tips have not been scientifically proven. However, in real life these techniques work constantly and consistently everyday. Gabe particularly responds well to both of these techniques used throughout the day. Each day continues Gabe continues to exceed every expectations with his understanding of our world. Hopefully these two quick tips help you and be sure hit us on on social media if we can help you with anything else!
I am sure many of you have found yourself in a conversation with someone asking you about your children or Down syndrome. I would also guess, many of you have wonderful answers to these questions. I wanted to provide you with three answers I commonly use to start a conversation and easily incorporate Down syndrome advocacy.
Situation 1. Someone asks, "Why 47 > 46?" (I wear our 47 > 46 shirt all the time. found here).
"My son, Gabe, has Down syndrome. Most people have 46 chromosomes, 23 pairs of chromosomes, for a total of 46. Down syndrome, also known as Trisomy-21 or T-21, involves an extra copy of the 21st chromosome, providing a total of 47 chromosomes. So, 47 > 46."
Situation 2. Someone asks, "How's being a parent?"
"I love it! I have four wonderful children and our oldest, Gabe, has Down syndrome..." (see previous example or continue...)
Gabe changed our world the day he was born. We found out at birth Gabe had Down syndrome and it made us think about what is important in life (family, our health, etc...) and to stop worrying things that do not matter. Kristie and I have a stronger marriage and sweeter more understanding children because of Gabe."
Situation 3. "Hi, we just received news we are having a baby with Down syndrome."
"It's going to be amazing! Gabe has been a blessing for our family and has changed the way we look at the world. We truly feel so lucky to have him as our son. Yes, we will admit that things can be difficult, challenging, and sometimes scary, but at the end of the day it is worth the emotional roller coaster. We are excited for you to be on this wonderful journey and while it will be different than anything you had imagined, I know it will be more rewarding than you ever imagined possible."
This is reflection of how I feel, because the moment Gabe was born my perspective on life changed. My values as a human being changed and I have found a new level of joy and happiness after Gabe was born.
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I am Gabe's Dad and I wrote this to try to help you increase the verbal communication with your child with Down syndrome. Please know that I am not a medical doctor or speech therapist. These fives tips are based on raising our son Gabe and what has been working for us! Please share, like, or comment if this type of information provides value to you and you would like to see more of it. Thanks and have a wonderful day! Also you can find out more about Gabe and our mission on our homepage found here!
-Alex (Gabe's Dad!)
]]>Gabe starts school next week and has made incredible progress over the summer break. Besides all the credit going to Gabe, some credit should go to Kristie for being the most amazing mother and her limitless patience with our children. Gabe’s speech and word use is progressing wonderfully and he continues to surprise us more and more each day with the things he says. We have been working on discussing what we did during the day and yesterday he replied “Gabe the Babe shirts.” As he has been helping us prepare the orders and ensuring that everything is up to his high standards.
Our children’s newest game to play is pretending to cook and serve each other food. Kristie and I have been laughing because Lottie asks what kind of soup we want, and then regardless of what we say she will reply with. “We do not have that kind.” Then she will return to the pretend kitchen and make the soup and give it to Gabe who then announces, “Gabe LOVES this one!” The trick for Kristie and I, is to get this transaction on video. Our sweet children have a tendency to stop doing the adorable things they are doing and being to pose for a picture, which is also adorable, but we miss some of the beautiful moments we would love to capture.
]]>Because I was wearing a specific t-shirt on a specific day at 37,000 feet, my life has been forever changed. I'll never forget that conversation. I want to thank this gentleman for taking the time to talk to me on the plane as we headed toward Florida. My life is forever better from learning about his experiences. The purpose for Gabe the Babe and Co is to promote Down syndrome awareness, but most importantly it is to bring us all together. It is to supply all of us the catalysts we need to have conversations with strangers. These strangers are just friends we haven’t met yet, they are individuals who we can relate to and they have a similar perspective on the world that we as parents of children with Down syndrome have. We all know it is an emotional roller coaster raising children and it is the greatest ride of our lives. There will never be a greater feeling in the world than watching my children grow up and conquer challenge after challenge. The time, dedication, and pure effort it sometimes takes for Gabe to accomplish a task demonstrates Gabe's true character and how determined he is to win in the game of life.
]]>This year was probably the most fun for our family because Gabe and Lottie are old enough to enjoy the holiday by going up to the houses themselves (well with minimal coaching from Kristie and I on the sidewalk) and we had a stupendous trick-or-treat success this year. Granted, it did start a little rough, with Gabe walking right into the first house and getting upset that we were not going inside to visit. This nice gentleman laughed as Gabe walked right past the candy and into the entry way! I was right behind Gabe and then chasing him down, but Gabe was just far enough past me to make it into the home. After we got Gabe back outside he was upset and didn’t quit understand at first that we weren’t actually going into the houses. We tried another house with a group of other children and Gabe watched them say trick-or-treat, get their candy say “thank you” and then walk away. Gabe has been learning so well lately by watching other children with activities, I think his pre-school has helped him develop so much in this area. Once Gabe understood the basic premise of the process, and a little coaching from Kristie and I, Gabe was set to trick-or-treat. Lottie was right behind him saying “Good job, Gabey!”
As they moved house to house. It was so adorable to watch them go up to the houses on their own as Kristie, Maggie and I watched. I am so proud of the wonderful and polite little people Gabe, Lottie, and Maggie are growing into. Whether or not you agree Halloween is the greatest holiday of the year, it does seem to kick off the holiday season. The weather (usually) begins to cool down, the leaves change color, and people seem to get the holiday spirit. With our busy schedules, starting with Halloween then Maggie’s birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and then the birth of baby number four things will probably be a little hectic. Before we get all caught up in the holiday season, let’s make a plan to thank those we love and focus our complete attention on those loved ones when we get the opportunity to see them. We have started selling shirts t-shirts and they can be found here!
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Our shirts are specifically designed to be comfortable and promote something we all care about very much. I want you to be excited about every time you put on a shirt from Gabe the Babe and Co. and to use them as a tool to share with the world the wonder, joy, and new perspective on life you have. After the trip and the positive response we received for Gabe the Babe and Co., Kristie and I are one step closer to sending out Welcome Baskets, I think we have enough stuff ready to send out our first five or so and we are looking for families who recently received the life changing news of their little wonder and joy of their beautiful baby. I want to thank the awesome individuals who donated items and took their time to help make Gabe the Babe and Co the success it is . We want to get Welcome Baskets to new families and we would greatly appreciate if you know a family who would benefit from one to contact us on Facebook (here) and we will make one and send it to them. We look forward to hearing from you soon!
You can find our shirts here!
]]>As far as the discussion for classroom disruptions caused by children with special needs, I never experienced one classroom disruption (in twelve years) caused from a child with special needs (as opposed to the many disruptions caused by the "typical" students).
Gabe has been doing great with getting dropped off at school. He lines up with the other students and walks into the classroom like a big man. Usually, with a quick “Bye Mom” or "Bye Dad" to us. I cannot stress enough how proud we are of Gabe and what he has already achieved. I also want to thank his teachers and assistants for helping him make the transition to the classroom. Kristie and I both believe that having Gabe in therapy helped prepare Gabe for school, since he was used to working with his therapists and not just being with Mom or Dad all the time. The routine of regular therapy built a foundation for making a successful transition to school. For those parents who don’t see the immediate benefits of therapy, I cannot stress to you the importance of therapy for your child. You may not notice the immediate improvements, as we questioned this as well quite a bit. Looking back we are so happy with all of the therapy sessions Gabe had as we know it helped prepare him to make the transition to school a smooth one. If you are a parent of a child with special needs, your child will benefit from therapy. It is your job to take care of your child and provide them the best possible environment for them to succeed. Although it can be hard, making time to get take them to and from therapy is so important. It is a lot of work and Kristie is amazing at hauling Gabe and the girls to 5 hours of therapy appointments each week. Do your best to make it a point to do at least one therapy a week. There is no greater feeling in the world then watching your child succeed and you probably won’t get a “thank you” or a “congratulations card” but that’s not why we do it. We all know being a parent is thankless job and we don’t do it for recognition, we do it because we love our children more than anything in the world.
Love Gabe's shirt? Be sure to check out our shirts that promote Down syndrome awareness and advocacy here!
]]>We have started selling shirts to promote Down syndrome awareness and they can be found here!
]]>It was busy with various nurses and doctors and the little section we had for Gabe was cordoned off by the standard hospital hanging sheets. There was just enough room for all of us (Mom, Dad, and the stroller with Lottie and Maggie) to stand for a few minutes talking to the doctor about the operation before the nurses told us that no children could remain in the recovery area. Kristie was not happy about this and wanted to stay with Gabe, but being the expert mother she is and can manage the girls better than I, Kristie took the Lottie and Maggie out front to the waiting room. Just as Kristie was getting ready to take Lottie and Maggie out front, Gabe was beginning to wake up and was not happy, the nurses crowded around Gabe as he began to wake up and roll around. Gabe was hooked up to various machines and monitors as he roared awake, rolled over, and a series of alarms went off as Gabe unhooked himself from the monitors. There were four or five nurses standing around, but only one was working the problem of helping Dad unwrap Gabe from his tangled mess. Gabe and I stayed in the recovery room for five hours, waiting for an open bed in the overnight recovery rooms. Finally, we were notified that a bed was available in a shared room and Gabe and I, along with two nurses, made our way upstairs.
As I am finishing writing this it has been twelve days since Gabe and I stayed overnight in the hospital and I am excited to announce that Gabe has recovered! For those wondering, or whose children might have this surgery in the future, the most difficult part of the recovery was getting Gabe to drink and I am glad we stayed that first night in the hospital. Once we got home, we used a variety of methods to get him to take sips of liquids. The method that worked the best was pausing his favorite movie, until he would take one drink. I would repeat this pausing and drinking process for hours until Kristie and I felt comfortable that he had enough fluids and then we put him to bed. This pausing the movie approach worked the best in the evening of each day. In the mornings Gabe would not drink anything and we had to wrestle him to get him to take his medications. Each day there was a noticeable improvement and by day ten he seemed to be mostly recovered. Patience and persistent were key to getting Gabe to drink and remain hydrated throughout his recovery and Kristie and I are elated that his recovery is almost complete. Now all we have to worry about is his first day of school…this Monday…
If you have questions about more specifics regarding a child with Down syndrome and having tonsils and adenoids removed, please feel free to contact us on our Facebook page here.
Also we are selling t-shirts to support Down syndrome advocacy and awareness and they can be found here. Thanks!
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It is important to use many different methods to foster learning for our children. We usually include the mentioned posters on the wall, as well as counting and sorting all types of toys, and a few videos on numbers and the alphabet. Lottie and Gabe, being the adorable duo, love to boldly state numbers as they run around the house giggling. Lottie also enjoys demonstrating to Gabe that she can count as well. Another favorite for Gabe and Lottie are flash cards, we all love to snuggle on the couch and go through flash cards, sometimes Gabe or Lottie will walk over and point to the numbers on the wall. If they don’t get the number correctly, we say try again and use the pictures on the shape flash cards to help. If you take on thing away from reading this, make learning fun and be consistent with it. If you have a child with Down syndrome it might take them a little longer to learn their numbers and alphabet. Do not be discouraged by this, but understand that you have been gifted this additional opportunity to spend time with and teach your child. The most rewarding feeling in the world is after practicing a task for weeks, and then all of the sudden it “clicks” with Gabe and he has accomplished the task! I am so proud of Gabe and all of my family, and I am grateful and excited for all of the new and exciting things Kristie
and I get to teach them.
We started selling t-shirts for Down syndrome awareness and advocacy. You can check them out here!
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As Gabe is growing up and learning to be a little man, I am learning to be a father. Gabe was the first diaper I ever changed, the first baby I rocked to sleep, and the list of these precious moments continues to grow. It is a wonderful experience to be a parent. Each day there are wonderful and exciting new things to learn and do. One of Gabe’s many amazing attributes is his ability to find wonder and enjoyment in any task. This is a one small example of how Gabe has had a positive impact on my life, his awe, joy and amazement for life is completely engulfing and inspiring. Eastern cultures have known for hundreds of years the value in finding joy in the fundamentals of life. Gabe doesn’t need meditation or training to find joy in life, he just does naturally. Gabe is perfect and I know the world can learn a few things about loving life from him.
We started selling t-shirts for Down syndrome awareness. You can check them out here and remember to check back weekly for new posts!
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For those who are unfamiliar with an at birth diagnosis of Down syndrome, I will tell you briefly about the experience. Simply put, it is a life altering experience. Gabe’s birth redefined me fundamentally as a person, changed my entire perspective on life, and provided me a clear purpose on why I am here. I will be forever in debt to my little man, he has made me a better man in every imaginable way and I hope that I can make him proud, because Gabe makes me proud to be a father every day. A word of advice for soon to be fathers, stop what you are doing and pack a bag to bring to the hospital. Seriously, go do this right now! We were at the hospital a couple days, we had talked about packing a bag, it was one of those things we “meant” to do, but never got around to doing. Then one night Kristie wakes me up and says, “I think my water broke” and off to the hospital we went. I was excited, nervous, and a little scared all at the same time! Gabe was born late on February 21st after 22 hours of labor for Mom. After everything was done, Kristie and I went to bed about 3 am and the next day, we welcomed friends who came to visit us and meet Gabe. At this point we had no idea he had Down syndrome (though Kristie said it was her first thought when he came out, but she was too afraid to ask). The entire day went by, visitors came and went, nurses and doctors came and went, we went to sleep, and then just before 7 AM on February 23rd, about 32 hours after Gabe's birth, we were suddenly woken up as a doctor we'd never met stormed into our room. The doctor didn't introduce himself, and quickly began talking and said something along the lines of, “I don’t know if you are familiar with Down syndrome, but it is possible that your son has it but we won’t know for a few days.” This was such strange news to me, Gabe had an Apgar’s score of 9 and is so beautiful and perfect. (For first time fathers, Apgar score is a method to quickly summarize the health of a newborn, more info here). Gabe was a little puffy, but I didn’t think he had Down syndrome. (I look back at the pictures now and I clearly see my beautiful little baby Gabe, who has Down syndrome). The doctor then continues to ramble on for another minute or two, with little or no bedside manner, and walked out. WTF. I don’t remember much else of the conversation, I know Kristie does because over a year later we brought Gabe to the clinic and he was the doctor on duty. She told him how difficult the experience had been for us because of the abrupt method in which he provided life changing news to first time parents. After we leave the hospital we are told that it will be 7-10 days before we know for sure if Gabe has Down syndrome. It was a difficult time because we were so happy to finally meet Gabe and bring him home. At the same time we were scrambling to learn everything we could about Down syndrome. After searching online, which was a terrible idea, we quickly learned about the multitude of health concerns associated with Down syndrome. A friend introduced us to a family who had a daughter with Down syndrome. We had dinner at their house the night before we got the official blood work back confirming his diagnosis. This is how I truly started to learn about Down syndrome, by talking to people. Learning about how Down syndrome had impacted their lives and the highs and lows they were experiencing. I went back and tried reading the books, and honestly, I found them depressing and I couldn’t read them. They all seemed focused on all of the things Gabe wasn’t going to do and how delayed he was going to be. It wasn’t that I couldn’t accept this, Gabe is going to be Gabe and I will always love him no matter what. This idea of setting expectations for him from what I read in a book seemed insane to me. Also, I felt that none of the books discussed the first few conversations you are going to have with friends, family, and neighbors about Down syndrome as new parents. These conversations will change overtime, but this is a place to start for first time parents. It will probably go something like this. Friend says, “Hey congratulations, how’s it going with your little one?” You’ll reply with, “Ok, he/she has Down syndrome.” Friend says awkwardly, “I’m sorry.” From what I remember this was a typical first-time conversation. Let’s break down the conversation a little bit and see how we can improve it. The first part, what someone says is standard and we can’t do much about it. (Also, “I’m sorry” is not an acceptable response to give someone, but that is another topic). What I want to focus on is the important fact that it is our responses that we can control. Response one, “Great! Keeping Mom and Dad up at night, but that’s what newborns do right?” This is an acceptable approach. I don’t like small talk, and I felt like most of the time people were asking because they felt they had to and it's polite. It is a response for those friends, neighbors, and coworkers who you don’t often associate with or if you are just not ready/wanting to talk. Response two, “Great! Things are going to be a little different than Mom and I had imagined, Gabe was born with Down syndrome and we are excited for our new adventure.” This is the type of response you give when someone asks about your family. First, always state something clearly positive, use words like great, excellent, or amazing! Lead off with these one word answers to start the conversation. Remember, you just had an amazingly beautiful baby! But Alex, what if I don’t feel this way? DO IT ANYWAY! It is your duty as a father to be the foundation for your family. Every time someone asks you about your family, you reply with something positive, and then provide more positive details. Your family is your greatest achievement in life, nothing is more important than them and it is your responsibility to tell the world how amazing they are and how fortunate you are to have them. We still have tons of books about raising a child with Down syndrome, maybe someday I will read them. Maybe when they start sending a positive message about life, I’ll read them. I need the world to know how amazing Gabe is and how he has made the lives of our family better. Gabe has given me an entirely new perspective on life and I want to share it with you. We all want the world be a happier place. Gabe sees the world with astonishment and wonder. Gabe continuously shows joy and a genuine love for life that I strive to imitate. I hope reading this brings joy and happiness to your life and we are just getting started on the positive impact Gabe is going to have on the rest of the world.
We started selling t-shirts for Down syndrome awareness. You can check them out here and remember to check back weekly for new posts!
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Gabe has made me a better husband, father, and human being. Love at first sight is real and I knew the instant I met Gabe that I loved him with all my heart. My feelings may be different than some of you have had, and that’s OK. A birth diagnosis of Down syndrome is a life changing experience. For those of you reading this, understand that however you react it’s OK and I know it’s going to be much better than OK, it’s going to be an AMAZING journey! Gabe had a birth diagnosis and our lives changed more than we had anticipated in February 2014. I have never shed a tear of sadness about Gabe. I have never had a negative thought about his birth diagnosis of Down syndrome. Gabe is and always will be my son and I will love him for exactly who is.
This blog is not a place for people who have negative thoughts. We do not have time for negativity, and whether you continue to read on, make it a goal to remove all negative thoughts from your life. Love life and do all you can to take care of those you love. There is nothing more important than family and it is your obligation to take care of them, provide for them, and be the best husband, father, and human being you can be. Through Gabe’s actions, his undeniable love for life, the way he finds joy and happiness in all events is something that we can all learn from. I have learned so much about life from my son and I hope to share some of our adventures with you.
While my wife has masterfully created a wonderful social media experience, I have worked behind the scenes and I am taking small first steps to reach out to people. My disclaimer is as follows. First, I will have the comments disable for this blog, I know that many of you would like to share and add information. If you would like to do that please go to our Facebook page here and message us that way. Second, I am not an expert and I won’t claim to be. The content in this blog is merely my point of view and my opinion on things. What you can count on though, is my honest assessment of my perception of experiences and outlook on the situation.
It only makes sense to start at the beginning. Gabe, my main man, had a birth diagnosis for Down syndrome. For some people this can be difficult, and as I imagine, for many of us this may have been extremely difficult. I know Kristie and I had a time with it. But, as I stated in the disclaimer, I will strive to provide an honest recollection of my experiences for others to read about. Maybe this information will find individuals who find themselves in an analogous situation and might have some of the same feelings. Kristie always asks me to, “tell me what your feeling” and I have always had a challenging time describing emotions. I will try to clarify my emotional state to the best of my ability. Was I sad? No. Did I cry? No. Was I scared? Yes, I was scared for Gabe’s health. I didn’t know anything about Down syndrome, and we were quickly approached with an enormous amount of data on all types of health complications associated with his diagnosis. I wasn’t sad then and I have never had a sad emotion for Gabe, or any of my children.
As a first-time father, there are so many unknowns. What will my son be like? Will he look like me? I wonder if he will play football? This list goes on and on. If I could give one piece of advice for first time parents this would be it. Don’t create expectations for who your children should be, find love, joy, and happiness, in who they are. For many people, this may be extremely difficult to do. I always thought to myself, Gabe is going to be the best! I just want to meet and get to know him. It wasn’t that I didn’t think about what Gabe would be like, it was just that I had already accepted that no matter how he turned out, what his likes and dislikes were, I was going to love him the same. This thought process is directly related to a conversation I had with my Dad almost 20 years ago about going out for basketball in eighth grade. I told him I didn’t want to go out for basketball that year. I thought he would be disappointed if I stopped playing as my dad had been volunteer coach since the 3rd grade. He wasn’t sad and he sincerely told me that whatever decision I made he would support it. What I took away from this conversation is no matter what choice I made, my Dad would support me. I left the conversation knowing there was no wrong answer. I think this is a big take-a-way, there is no wrong answer. Always look for the Win-Win-Win. Just because things are going to be different, doesn’t mean they are going to be bad. In my experience, things have been amazing and wonderful, our family has an unimaginable appreciation for life and every achievement, even the seemingly small things. Kristie and I jumped through the roof the first time Gabe fed himself a puff. It is these small victories that only parents of a child with special needs can understand and appreciate.
P.S. Gabe has inspired us to take action to make the world a better place! We are selling t-shirts which can be found here and are going to use the proceeds to make "Welcome Home" baskets for families. Thanks and check back soon for another post!
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